Trust... or lack there of

I guess it is always hard to tell at first how you will adjust to a certain environment like school or work. But overtime, if you feel challenged and appreciated for your efforts, you will begin to trust those around you, and feel as if they are a part of your life, your family.

Of course this is not always true and in many cases it isn't. Even though I have certain trust issues, I still have this deep believe that somewhere out in this world, things shouldn't ever be determined by politics, power, or nepotism. It should be determined through fairness, honesty, respect, integrity, and your ability to do the right thing at the right time.

I learned today to err on the dark side. Actually, today was the day my suspicions were reaffirmed. It seems like in many cases, when you try to treat someone like a really close friend, they might not be like that at all. I guess I should still give them the benefit of the doubt that what they did was not politically motivated, but the question in my mind does come up as to whether I should open my heart to such individuals, and whether to put my trust in these environments.

For me, I would really like to open my heart, but through many disappointments later, I feel the need to re-evaluate. I don't know if I can bear to be secretive. It's not something I feel that accomplishes anything. But if I am indeed that unhappy, I really need to do something about it. Either way, this isn't going to do my psyche any good. There is one option, and that is to act like you always have and trust in a higher power. Sometimes my patience wears a bit thin when it gets to that point.

For now, all I can do is keep on going. I hope this doesn't put me into a heart attack, but there is nothing else to do but move forward... sigh... I guess I shouldn't gripe too much because alot of other ppl have it worse than I do. To them, I say good night and good luck for now.