Dear...

Dear Cancer,

You came knocking at my family's door about 6 years ago and tried to take my mom away from me. Luckily, you weren't successful and she beat the odds. Please do the same this time and leave my family alone. She is more important to us than anything else on this earth. Everyone is better off without you and we don't need you in our lives.

JLo :*(

A Year in Review - 2009

It's been awhile since I've updated this blog. For me, when life is good, it makes your life alot busier. There's more to be happy about and less to write about. Judging by the lack of posts, anyone can surmise that this has been a good year on a personal basis. Here's a quick summary of 2009:

1) Most memorable event: Finding the love of my life.
2) Most EPIC trip: Seattle/Portland/Oregon Coast weekend.
3) Most challenging event: Breaking my ankle in ice hockey.
4) Once in a lifetime moment: Ringing in 2009 in Times Square, NYC.
5) Most accomplished moment: Scoring my first goal in ice hockey.

I am cautiously optimistic about 2010, and hope you, as well as I, will be able and ready to face whatever challenges life throws at us. For the friends and family I haven't seen in a long time, I miss you all and I wish you well. Here's to a new year of great family, friends, health, and happiness. Cheers all, and Happy New Year.

Another Day, Another Dollar

This week, I was presented with the news that my coworker would be leaving our department to work for another organization after 2 years. I was shocked to learn that they will be leaving before I take off on holidays in 3 weeks time.

My friends had varying views of their motive, saying that the company probably was in a time crunch to get a person or that legally there was no recourse for employees to give more than 1 week notice. Rationally, it makes perfect sense.

Emotionally, I thought that was the worst timing, and the most inconsiderate thing a teammate could do to you, given that they've known for the last 3 months the exact date of my departure. To me, this was an affront.

Anger aside, their departure signals the end of a once happier chapter in my life - work. It's not so much the work that really attracted me to my job. It was working in a cohesive team to get things done that really made me proud of what I did everyday.

I didn't understand why I would feel so depressed about my team falling apart, but then when I had to explain my sentiments to another friend, I finally got it. I told her that "this departure reminded me of a child caught in the middle of a divorce. You just feel so sad that the things aren't the way they were before."

So, does this signal a change in my life as well? For now, another day is another dollar. Let's look for some positivity in light of this harrowing week.

50/50

I have been feeling down lately. The past few weeks have not been good to me. Today's stress stemmed mainly from school, but lately, it was also family issues and emotional issues. I can't say that I'm 0% happy, I'm glad I have my family, friends, health, and other things, but it's hard to feel 100% at the moment.

I notice that when I'm sad, I tend to stay up late into the night, not wanting to go to sleep. In the morning, I am exhausted, and I have no energy for work.

It's almost as if I'm giving up on myself. It's like I've given up on the things I love, just because I'm so depressed. I'll try to snap out of this one.

I'm thinking maybe it's time for some major change...

Living

It's been a tough few weeks. One of my best buddies left town for another job across the country. I felt I answered less than stellar on my midterm. I found out someone has moved on with their lives and is offering someone else what I had wanted all along. Plus, I lost out on a great investment opportunity. Work is crazy busy (this time it's just busy, not really anyone's fault).

These all added up to many tears and lots of stress, coupled by unrestful sleep. I felt really tired, so the investment opportunity was taken as a sort of way to shake myself out of this dark hole I was falling into.

At first, it seemed right. The opportunity was ripe, very little work needed to be done, it would be relatively easy to maintain, location was busy, but still ok. The layout was not bad. We scraped together the financing. But once the deal fell through, I felt like I didn't want to commit so quickly again. I wouldn't have rushed into this with such enthusiasm had I not spotted the potential, but once that's gone, I didn't feel like I need to act on the next opportunity so quickly again.

I want to gather my thoughts, and most likely my savings before I jump in. But tomorrow, I am doing exactly what I wouldn't expect myself to be doing. It's funny how this always works against my favour. Maybe it's all in the cards. Well, let's see what happens anyways. It's too late to turn back now. *sigh*...

Maybe it's for the best - but sometimes you still feel a twinge of sadness

Alot of things are probably the way they are because it's for the best - yet you always feel this small twinge of sadness that it has to end this way. Today is one of those days.

You start out positive, then when it dawns on you that eventually all the fun will end, you become unsure, and eventually you get depressed that things are coming to a close.

Let's hope it's not like this. Let's hope it'll get better. I'm not saying I don't want things to change, but to me it feels a little too sudden. I wish this person all the best in their endeavours, and the new environment will probably do them some good. I just hope we can keep in touch.

I can't believe they are one of my best buddies - strange to own up to it now, finally. The moral of the story: appreciate everything you have, and the time you've got to live it. Live with integrity, honesty, and love. See you my friend - many happy returns.

Trust... or lack there of

I guess it is always hard to tell at first how you will adjust to a certain environment like school or work. But overtime, if you feel challenged and appreciated for your efforts, you will begin to trust those around you, and feel as if they are a part of your life, your family.

Of course this is not always true and in many cases it isn't. Even though I have certain trust issues, I still have this deep believe that somewhere out in this world, things shouldn't ever be determined by politics, power, or nepotism. It should be determined through fairness, honesty, respect, integrity, and your ability to do the right thing at the right time.

I learned today to err on the dark side. Actually, today was the day my suspicions were reaffirmed. It seems like in many cases, when you try to treat someone like a really close friend, they might not be like that at all. I guess I should still give them the benefit of the doubt that what they did was not politically motivated, but the question in my mind does come up as to whether I should open my heart to such individuals, and whether to put my trust in these environments.

For me, I would really like to open my heart, but through many disappointments later, I feel the need to re-evaluate. I don't know if I can bear to be secretive. It's not something I feel that accomplishes anything. But if I am indeed that unhappy, I really need to do something about it. Either way, this isn't going to do my psyche any good. There is one option, and that is to act like you always have and trust in a higher power. Sometimes my patience wears a bit thin when it gets to that point.

For now, all I can do is keep on going. I hope this doesn't put me into a heart attack, but there is nothing else to do but move forward... sigh... I guess I shouldn't gripe too much because alot of other ppl have it worse than I do. To them, I say good night and good luck for now.